30 July 2010

What is this blog thing, again?

It has recently come to my attention that most people use their blogs to write about their own personal lives, opinions, and experiences.

What a novel idea!

Well, sure, there are some blogs out there that are more informational, or that are about fictional characters or whatever. You have to admit, nevertheless, that the large majority of so-called "web logs" out there are intended as a means of personal exposure in one form or another. I suppose this means that I'm seeking exposure, as well. Okay. I'll go with that. Mostly, I just want to write stuff and entertain you. If you feel entertained, please feel free to send me an email expressing your enthusiasm for my work. I also have a PayPal account.

Okay, so, stupidity aside, I assume you expect a sudden surge of sentimental storytelling. I suppose you are sufficiently justified in that expectation, but I'm not that much of a pushover. You're gonna hafta coax those kindsa things outta me, my friend. Or just wait until I feel in a sentimental mood.

Speaking of sentimental, one of my favorite artists is Ben Folds. One of my other favorites is Guster. Check 'em out! I have also recently been introduced to this awesome band whose name is fun. by my beautiful and highly intelligent girlfriend. I will now tie together all of these random thoughts by mentioning that the band Guster was one of the reasons my girlfriend and I got together, and I often play Ben Folds's songs for her. "Ahhh," you say, "now I understand your labyrinthine mental process." That's what you think.

In conclusion, my life is great, and I think I finally trust you enough to tell you a bit about it. I look forward to sharing some nearly-sentimental anecdotes as you snicker at my profoundly simple discoveries about life and blogs and stuff. Furthermore, I have the most amazing girlfriend in the world, and she likes cool music. Oh, and my thoughts are really confusing and random.

~The End~

07 July 2010

Lovesick and Heartsick

Have you ever noticed how "lovesick" and "heartsick" have completely opposite meanings?

I've been thinking about this recently because I and my roommate (respectively) are currently behaving as personifications of these two adjectives. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two and a half weeks, which is just long enough to know you love each other, but not long enough to be used to it yet. We're kind of embarrassing, really. When you're lovesick, though, you don't really care about anything that's going on around you unless what's going on involves your significant other. That being said, I do feel a little guilty being so twitterpated while my roommate (hereafter referred to as "Heartsick") languishes in the lugubrious despondence of heartsickness.

Heartsick's story is both endearing and tragic. One of his close friends introduced him to her boyfriend's sister, a gorgeous blonde with a captivating smile the size of Alaska. He was shy, but frankly quite attractive, so he finally gathered the courage to ask her to a relaxing evening at our abode (I say "abode" because it sounds much more romantic than "moderately messy apartment with tacky wood paneling"). It wasn't long before they exchanged phone numbers, arranged future rendezvous, andc'est l'amour!—became friends on Facebook. We knew it was meant to be when they played Wii Sports. She was doing quite well, unlike Heartsick, who had been pretty boastful earlier but was now pulling some amazing blunders. In a moment of weakness, She made a bit of a stnank and blurted out, "Oh no! I pulled a Heartsick!" (She actually used the name of my roommate, but his name has been changed to protect the innocent... and me.)

Days passed, and both of our relationships flourished—both Heartsick and I held hands with our ladies of interest and celebrated the first kiss of the respective relationships (and bought the corresponding M&M's and ice cream, of course)—but suddenly, like a cobra made out of lightning, disaster struck. First She says that She and Heartsick are taking things too quickly. Then She stops responding to his texts and answering her phone. Heartsick is left in a state of utter confusion, hoping for a clear sign, while She continues to drag him along like that action figure at the beginning of Napoleon Dynamite. Finally, after years (and by "years" I mean "about a week") of vacillating between obsession over She and complete disgust at her behavior, Heartsick discovers that She has left him because of her ex-fiancĂ©e.

That, my friends, is another story in and of itself. Suffice it to say that She had dated Some Guy for one month before he popped the question on her, then She broke it off because it didn't feel right. Apparently, what She failed to tell us is that it didn't feel right because She was madly in love with Some Guy. I dunno; you try to figure it out, because I don't get it.

So Lovesick and Heartsick: almost identical words, completely opposite meanings. I think someone went and screwed with the English language, but maybe that's just me. Don't even get me started on the word "cleave."

06 July 2010

A brief explanation...

So, you're probably wondering by now what the heck "Blain Brank" means. It's actually a form of a linguistic phenomenon known as metathesis. Let me illustrate with a haiku:
Blog needed a name,
But I couldn't think of one;
I had a blain brank.
In fact, I came up with the title "Blain Brank" precisely because I told my girlfriend, who was patiently watching my pathetic attempts at putting a proper appellation to my publicly published prose, why I was taking so long to set it up. It's not so much that I couldn't think of an appropriate name for this blog, I'm just somewhat of a perfectionist, so I refused to settle for anything less than an amazing phrase that dripped with gooey, caramel-filled sentimental significance.

In the end, I think "Blain Brank" captures my essence more completely than anything I could have said on purpose. Funny how life is sometimes.

03 July 2010

So We Aim and Ignite

If this works, I will be giddy with excitement.  I'm actually posting from the near future, you see.  Let's do this.

Today was one of the best days of my life.  The Fourth of July was tomorrow (writing from the future makes it hard to use the right verb tense!), and Dria and I were celebrating with one of the greatest adventures of our lives so far.  We have (had) been dating for just over two weeks, so things were still new and exciting, but we had been together long enough to know that we really liked each other and had so much in common.

The day began with a delicious barbecue lunch at my family's house.  My aunt and uncle were in town, and were able to capture several adorable candid shots of Dria and me.  My favorite is the following:


My family had bought tickets for the famous Stadium of Fire at Brigham Young University (Carrie Underwood, whom my youngest sister practically idolizes, would be performing), but because of a series of unfortunate events, we were one ticket short.  (My brother hadn't planned on going because he assumed he would be spending the day with his girlfriend, who by and by dumped him, thus leaving him without any engagements for the third of July...)  Since I wouldn't have been able to go to the Stadium of Fire with Dria anyways, we decided to have an adventure instead.

My dad helped us pack up several leftovers from the delicious barbecue lunch, including a whole can of olives, which Dria absolutely LOVES.  We headed home, and, after some fun and playing in the afternoon, we departed for an exciting hike up to the world-famous Y.  It was a fun hike; we made frequent stops to catch our breath and enjoy the view from the lookout.  We finally got to the top, sat down on the cement, and had a few snacks (delicious fruit... Mmmmm!).  Then, we watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which has mysteriously accompanied several milestones in our relationship, including our first date.  It was a bit uncomfortable to lay on the hard cement, even with a blanket under us, and try to still be able to see the computer screen... on the other hand, cuddling with Dria is about the most comfortable thing I've ever experienced.

While we watched this work of pure genius, a miracle happened.  Whereas there had only been a small smattering of people on the Y when we arrived, we looked up at the end of the... movie?... to see that the entire Y had been filled with people!  We wondered where everyone came from, then decided to munch on the veggies (especially the olives) that we had brought.  They were delicious.  Especially the olives.

We waited for a while, knowing that the darker it got, the closer we were to seeing amazing fireworks from the Lavell Edwards Stadium (of Fire!) in the distance.  It was cold, but it got warm when we put the blanket over us instead of under us, where it had previously resided.  The rest of the night was just magic[, and I hope you'll agree].  There were a ton of fireworks, and we talked about which ones were our favorites.  The sparks in the sky seemed like a metaphor that night.  As we walked home hand in hand, I could feel the explosions of lights all around me.  And even though we were given a ride to the Y trail, walking home seemed to go by so much faster than driving there.

I am (was) so happy tonight, I can't describe it.  Everything wrong with the world seems alright tonight.

Ahhhh....